In healthy relationships it’s about understanding each other’s needs and wants. And respecting one another’s choices and preferences. A good relationship involves not stepping on other’s sensitivities and insecurities and rather, being aware and supporting the other person’s good qualities and loving, understanding, caring as well as having empathy.
Narcissistic relationships are one sided relationships. Having a first hand experience with a narcissistic father, I can state this. Narcissists are looking to exploit and manipulate and seeing what they can get out of a situation. A narcissist is someone who believes in the grandiosity in themselves yet they’re actually hiding from their true core tendencies of shame and low self esteem.
They put on a facade of being such boasting figure’s yet there’s not much that exists below the surface when you look at it. Narcissists are unable to have any sort of quality or understanding relationships as they have learnt earlier on in life that they can’t trust anyone. And so instead of building a connection, they look for assets.
These people also go about doing mind games or gaslighting, having the tendency to lie and conceal things and lead a superficial life. They’re also inclined to excessively chasing after success, power, superiority and influence, all to avoid that shame based nature that they have inside. Narcissists can be a pain being around and they cause emotional turmoil as they don’t know how to regulate their deep pain and the lacking that they have.
Living with a narcissist is a constant walking on eggshells as you never know what drama or reaction they would come up with. Apart from the grandiosity, the narcissist that I have experience with also has covert or sly tendencies. Unable to process their feelings and emotions they become passive aggressive in their subverted ways of rage. This is a hidden way of expressing their unbalanced nature. Ask anyone who lives closely with them and you’ll never get a right out good commendation. People in their personal life know of their icky attitude and that they’re hard to deal with.
Seeing it in a good way, a narcissist is one who helps others to grow. With all the abuse, gaslighting, silent treatments, lies, deceit and fabrications, we learn of toxic relationships that exist in the human sphere. This helps us to appreciate the good relationships in our lives. Narcissists will never look an their shortcomings and work on themselves, yet they can be catalysts for those around them to see things and improve.
Myself too, having this type of a father have experienced the turmoil and difficulty, yet it has led me on a spiritual search. The inadequacies in the relationship and growing up with lack of a healthy emotional environment helped me see what’s missing and has enabled me to have a unique perspective and learn things in the spiritual nature about the goodness in things and how to avoid such negative environments. It has become a boon and I hope it can enable me to help others too.